Dear We Are Teachers,
Every year, I think, “This will be the summer I do nothing school-related!” And every year, I end up getting sucked into PD, agreeing to help lead some summer seminar, or saying yes to a project I really didn’t want to do. How can I stick to my “no school allowed” boundary this year?
—Dreaming of Disconnecting
Dear D.O.D.,
I love this for you. I’m proud of you for having the self-awareness and care to hold space for yourself this summer. What stands out to me is that you are saying that you “really didn’t want to do” these things. This feeling is important to see and give space to as you navigate space this summer.
There are a few mantras I use when I am trying to ensure I hold boundaries:
- “No, thank you” is a complete sentence.
- I am allowed to say no.
- If it doesn’t serve me, it’s not for me.
- I deserve and am worthy of care.
- Don’t mistake a distraction for an opportunity.
These mantras help me when I have to say no. There are also scripts for setting boundaries. A simple “Thanks for asking! I’m not available this summer, but I appreciate it,” is all you have to say. There’s no need to justify or make excuses. You deserve your summer!
You can also take some steps to help you feel less pressured. Set a vacation email message, remove your work email from your phone, and notify people that you are unavailable this summer. This preparation makes it less likely that people will ask you to do things you’re uninterested in.
Additionally, you can schedule activities that are both fruitful and rejuvenating for yourself. A trip or staycation? A professional opportunity you DO want to do? Engaging in some other hobby? A book club? A volunteer opportunity? A job (maybe non-education-related) that brings you joy? I worked the front desk at a yoga studio one summer to get free classes, and I loved it. Having something to look forward to can inspire you to hold firm. It’ll also give you a good reason to say no to someone else’s request.
Finally, it might be worth considering why you keep saying yes. Are you worried people will be upset if you say no? Do you just want to make people happy? My therapist calls this “finishing the script.” This exercise encourages me to move away from catastrophizing and doing things I don’t want or need to do. Walking through it, if or when you get asked, may also help you hold your boundaries.
Good luck, and I believe in you!
Dear We Are Teachers,
How do I handle entitled parents? I had a student who was being disrespectful, so they lost the fun activity for the day, and the parent came after me about it. This has been happening a lot lately, with parents attacking me over consequences and decisions. I feel overwhelmed and sad, and I’m seriously considering giving up. How do I handle this and stay motivated?
—Angry-Parent Woes
Dear A.P.W.,
What a bummer. It never feels good when parents message in anger.
For this particular situation, you can stand by your decision as kindly as possible. If your administration or other teachers support these consequences, I would also include them in the conversation. You can either forward the message to them and ask for their ideas on how to respond, or cc them on the response. Validate the parents’ frustration—it’s difficult to see your kid feel sad!—but then hold on to your boundary. Consequences are in place for a reason, and to go against them because a parent got angry undermines the consequences and taking responsibility.
For the future, consider how you communicate consequences to families. Do you give a syllabus, family letter, or anything that outlines your behavior plan for your class? If not, providing that at the beginning of the year may be helpful in the future. When families know what to expect, it can help mitigate some of these conflicts.
Since this issue also appears to be ongoing, it may be worth reaching out to your principal or a trusted colleague for further guidance. Is there something you might be missing? Is there perhaps another source to this conflict you’re not seeing?
Finally, I would like to gently ask you to reflect on the value of keeping children out of certain “fun activities,” depending on the age group and activity. Research shows that extrinsic motivators for behavior don’t actually help (I addressed this in the second question and answer here). So, while a student whose behavior undermines the safety of others may understandably be asked not to participate, telling a chatty child they can’t have fun could do more harm than good. Just something to think about.
Dear We Are Teachers,
I’ve been a substitute teacher for a year, but next year I’ll have my own classroom for the first time. I’m excited, but I’m also nervous because I’ll be teaching an unfamiliar grade level in a new area. The district seems supportive, but it’s still a big change. What advice do you have for a new teacher starting fresh?
—From Sub to Starter
Dear F.S.T.S.,
Congratulations! What an exciting new adventure you’re embarking on! Yes, this is a big change, but the fact that you have some experience and are excited is a great first step.
I actually know a whole starter pack of great information for new teachers that will be helpful as you begin your journey. There are also some books you might like.
This summer, you can start slowly preparing for next year. Some questions you can think of as you plan:
- What questions do you have for your principal before you start? Think logistical: bathrooms, keys, field trips, days off, etc.
- Have you completed all the necessary paperwork?
- How do you want your classroom to look? What do you want the vibe to be?
- How would you like to establish classroom routines and procedures?
- Can you connect with anyone you work with in a similar grade level who can support you?
- What do you want the overall scope and sequence of your semester or year to be?
These are just some basic questions to get started. An overall piece of advice I needed to hear as a first-year teacher: Take everything one day at a time. Being a new teacher can sometimes feel overwhelming, but every day is a fresh start.
Good luck, and I believe in you!
Do you have a burning question? Email us at [email protected].
Dear We Are Teachers,
I am struggling. The other day while I was putting gas in my car, a child in the backseat of another car pointed at me and said, “Look, Mommy! A witch!” (To be fair, I was in the linen outfit I use to teach “Strega Nona.”) But I hate that every year around this time, I struggle so hard with basic self-care: getting enough sleep, handling stress, and juggling the million end-of-year activities required of teachers. What can I do to combat stress that isn’t going to exhaust me further?
—Brewing Some Self-Care
